61. “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” – Winston Churchill
62. “It’s strange, isn’t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh’ and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.” – Tommy Cooper
63. “Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?” – Unknown
64. “The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.” – Franklin P. Jones
65. “I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.” – Unknown
66. “God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.” – Ethel Mumford
67. “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” – Robert Purvis
68. “The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.” – George Jessel
69. “America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.” – Unknown
70. “Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?” – Unknown
71. “Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.” – Unknown
72. “I’m at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.” – Rodney Dangerfield
73. “If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they’re going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?” – Jerry Seinfeld
74.“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” – Rodney Dangerfield
75. “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Norman Wisdom
76. “How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?” – Unknown
77. “Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?” – Rita Rudner
78. “If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.” – Robin Williams
79. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth
80. “A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.” – Bill Vaughan
