Most good relationships don’t come easy. You have to put in the work to get to know someone, only to potentially have it not work out. Sometimes it’s a case of bad chemistry or some other circumstance, like distance, that puts a wedge between two people. Other times, there are red flags right from the start. While it’s nearly impossible to find someone who is perfectly suited to you in every way, there are a couple relationship deal breakers that should tip you off right away that this person may not be for you.
1. Your crush is still flirting with other people.
If you’ve defined your relationship as something more than a one-time fling or a casual romance, than neither of you should be actively flirting with others. Keep your guard up if you notice your crush checking out other people, laughing and flirting while out, or not wanting to commit to being exclusive. If you want to make things official and they dodge the questions or still want to play the field, move on to avoid being hurt.
2. Your significant other ignores you in public.
Run into a group of your significant other’s friends while out in public and get introduced as “a friend?” This doesn’t bode well for a relationship and is definitely a red flag. The person that you’re with should be proud to be seen with you, and eager to introduce you to their friends and family. If you’re kept a secret, it’s time to find someone that appreciates you and isn’t afraid to show it.
3. Getting caught in a lie.
Starting a relationship off with lies is never a good thing. If you catch your soon-to-be partner in a lie, run for the hills. Even if the lie is small or seems insignificant in the grand scheme of things, it could mean potential larger problems in the future. Someone who lies about minor things is also likely to lie about bigger situations. Save yourself the trouble of determining what’s the truth and what’s a lie by getting out of the relationship early.
4. Your crush puts everything else but you first.
It’s great to have hobbies and interests outside of the relationship, but if your crush consistently puts everything but you first, it could be time to call it quits. Someone who doesn’t make time for you in the beginning of a relationship isn’t likely to change that habit, so it’s better to get out of the relationship early if you are someone that likes plenty of time with your significant other. Ask your crush to compromise and spend more time together before pulling the plug, however, as he or she might not even realize that you have a problem with a behavior until you point it out.
5. Disappearing acts.
If you’re seeing someone on a consistent basis, they owe it to you to tell you when they’ll be out of town for an extended period of time. Whether it’s vacation, a work trip, or something else, you deserve to know that you’ll be flying solo for a little while. Someone that disappears for a week or two without giving you a heads-up isn’t respectful of your feelings and isn’t worth your time.
6. Your significant other is abusive.
Whether verbal or physical, no form of abuse is acceptable. Everyone deserves to feel safe and comfortable in a relationship, without the threat of physical or emotional violence. Abuse is a major red flag and should never be tolerated. Someone who can’t manage their temper will only cause more problems down the road, so get out of the relationship immediately.
7. Your crush has issues with alcohol or drugs.
Dealing with substance abuse problems can be tricky. While you don’t want to feel like you’re abandoning someone with an issue, it may be the best thing for both of you. That person needs to get help, and it’s not your responsibility to be the one to take on the challenge. Being involved with someone who has a dependency issue puts a serious strain on the relationship, and can be emotionally and physically dangerous. Let a professional take over the reigns in this case.
8. Superiority complex.
If your girlfriend or boyfriend is constantly trying to correct your behavior or tell you “the right way” to do things, this should raise a red flag. A healthy relationship is made up of two people that are equals, not one person who feels superior and scolds the other. They could be trying to establish superiority over you, or just be the type of person that needs to be the best at everything. No matter the reason, it’s a deal breaker if you don’t feel like an equal in the relationship.
9. Your significant other cheats on you.
Cheating is a definite red flag, yet some cheaters end up weaseling their way back into your heart. Stay strong when dealing with a cheater who is begging for your forgiveness by remembering that they have shattered your trust, compromised their integrity, lied to you and hurt your feelings. In most all cases, cheating should not be a forgivable offense. Walk away from this deal breaker, or else you’ll have to endure a tough relationship of distrust.
10. Extended unemployment.
While it’s important to be understanding of someone’s employment situation or financial standing, dating someone who is unemployed, lives at home, or has substantial debt could be a major deal breaker for some. If your significant other is constantly sending out resumes, interviewing for jobs, looking for a new place or actively trying to get out of debt, an exception could be made. However, if their daily activities consist of napping, having mom do the laundry and playing video games, it’s probably time to move on.
This is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of relationship deal breakers, but these ten red flags are arguably the most important things to consider when embarking on a new relationship. Other deal breakers, like being vain or obsessing over hobbies, could potentially be overlooked if no other red flags are raised. And of course, what is a deal breaker to one person might not be to another. Date smart, everyone.