41. “Three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: ‘Hold my purse.'” – Unknown
42. “I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.” – Unknown
43. “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Emo Philips
44. “Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.” – Unknown
45. “The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.” – Unknown
46. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
47. “Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.” – Unknown
48. “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
49. “I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.” – Axel Rose
50. “You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.” – Unknown
51. “Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?” – Unknown
52. “A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.” – Franklin Jones
53. “If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!” – Henny Youngman
54. “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon’.” – Chris Rock
55. “When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.” – Norm Crosby
56. “The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.” – Brendan Behan
57. “Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.” – Unknown
58. “A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.'” – Claude Pepper
59. “I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.” – Unknown
60. “The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.” – Dennis Miller
