Imagine this: you just got engaged. Cue the fireworks, pop the champagne, and sound the trumpets! You and your partner brace yourselves for the oncoming slew of “congratulations” and “oohs” and “ahhs” over the dazzling engagement ring.

Once all the excitement dies down, you immediately roll up your sleeves and jump into wedding planning mode. Your life suddenly turns into a big blur of appointments, parties, and cake tastings…

And before you know it, you’re at the altar, about to make a lifelong commitment.

You’ve hardly had any time to breathe, let alone sit down and ask yourself a very important question…

Am I getting married for the right reasons?

Let’s face it, a lot of marriages end in divorce. Statistics show that 50% of first marriages, 67% of second marriages, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. A divorce is a huge headache that will detrimentally affect your life, financially and emotionally.

Many divorces happen because people marry for the wrong reasons, such as money, pregnancy, or the pursuit of happiness. If more people actually looked deep down inside and carefully evaluated the true reasons for tying the knot, fewer doomed marriages would be made.

If you have an altar date coming up, you should sit down and, as hard as it may be, evaluate your true reasons for marrying your partner. Look deep down inside and ask the following questions:

Do you have realistic expectations?

If you think marriage is all glitter and roses, you’re in for a rude awakening. The real nitty-gritty work of marriage begins once the honeymoon wears off. You’ll start arguing about bills, car insurance, and the way the dishwasher is loaded.

Many people get married because they believe that tying the knot will magically change their partner for the better. That, too, is unrealistic. Your partner will remain the same unless he or she proactively tries to improve himself or herself. If you’re realistic, you will also be aware of the fact that your partner will not always be fun and youthful, and he or she may lose his or her looks over time. You need to be prepared to accept all the ups and downs of marriage, which brings us to the next question…

Are you prepared to work at maintaining a successful marriage?

Your marriage will not always be perfect. You and your partner will face some obstacles that may drive a wedge between you two. Are you willing to fight through the rough patches in order to keep your marriage intact? If you feel that your relationship might fold under the first sign of trouble, you may want to think twice before getting hitched.

Do you and your partner admire and respect each other?

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, especially by his or her own spouse. Think about how you and your partner talk to each other. Do you criticize each other? Do you lose patience with one another? Do you make underhanded comments about each other in front of others? Do you complain about each other to your family and friends?

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, your relationship won’t be healthy until you and your partner start respecting and validating each other.

How well do you and your partner communicate with each other?

When it comes to relationships, communication is key. Are you two open and honest with each other, or are there secrets involved? Do you talk things out, or do you manipulate each other with games? Do you listen to each other? Think about how you and your partner communicate with each other, and how that would affect your marriage in the long run.

Does your partner share your values and life goals?

You two are starting a life together, so it’s important to be on the same page about a lot of things. What are your priorities? What are you long-term goals? Do you want children? Where do you want to live for the rest of your life?

If you’re not spiritually compatible with your partner, you two will be likely to grow apart.

Is your relationship free of any form of abuse?

If your partner:

-       Micromanages your actions

-       Physically harms you

-       Constantly belittles you

-       Threatens you

-       Tries to isolate you from others

-       Gets irrationally jealous

-       Calls you names

Then you are in an abusive relationship. If that’s the case, the last thing you should do is to marry that person, because it’s only going to get worse.

Does your partner contribute to the relationship as much as you do?

Marriage is a two-way street. Both partners have to contribute to the relationship, or it will fizzle out. Does your partner help out with the housework? Are you emotionally available? If you feel that your partner takes too much from you without giving enough back, consider whether or not you would like to spend the rest of your life in this sort of arrangement.

Does your partner make you happy?

This is one of the most important questions you should ask yourself. You deserve to be happy for the rest of your life. If you constantly feel unhappy, nervous, or stressed out around your partner, then you should continue looking until you find someone who will make you smile every day.

Do you trust your partner?

Without trust, a relationship is nothing. Can you trust your partner to keep you safe, always be there for you, and to never abandon, reject, or shame you?

In your heart, do you really feel that this is the right decision?

When asking yourself this question, you must be ruthlessly honest with yourself. Identify everything that bothers you, and listen to your feelings. If you have doubts now, then you will probably continue to have doubts throughout the marriage. If you don’t have a peace of mind about marrying this person, consider not following through with the wedding until you’re absolutely sure you want to do it.

Bad reasons to get married

If you are getting married for any of the reasons on the following list, it’s time to step back and re-evaluate your decision.

-       You are tired of being single.

-       You feel pressured into getting married.

-       You and your partner are expecting a baby.

-       You want to achieve a certain lifestyle with your partner’s money.

-       Everybody else is getting married.

-       You are afraid that no one else will want to marry you.

-       You – or your partner – need a green card.

-       You want children.

-       You want a mother or father for your child.

-       You want to be free from your parents.

-       You believe that marriage will bring happiness to your life.

-       You want to experience your dream wedding.

-       You have invested so much time into your relationship that marriage seems to be the only next step.

Good reasons to get married

Marriage is forever, so it’s very important to do it for all the right reasons. Here are some wonderful and sensible reasons to get married.

-       You simply cannot imagine life without your partner.

-       You can easily see yourself with your partner in 50 years.

-       You and your partner are willing to be there for each other, no matter what.

-       You want to grow with your partner, physically and emotionally.

-       Your partner shares your values and life goals.

-       You and your partner want to start a life together.

-       You and your partner are willing to make sacrifices for each other.

-       Ultimately, you two are deeply in love with one another.

Before saying “I do”…

Ask yourself, “Should I?”

Are You Getting Married for the Right Reasons? is a post from: Lifed

There are few human experiences as incredible as the emotions we feel when starting a new relationship. Inevitably, the initial euphoria will recede and hopefully, be replaced by stability and content. Equally inevitable is the fact that any relationship will fall into familiar patterns that can be difficult to break.

When you find yourself and your partner stuck in a rut, try these six simple tricks to break out of the doldrums and rediscover some of the spirit that you found when you met each other.

1. Start A New Hobby Or Sport Together

Naturally, each person enters a relationship with interests and skills that are not shared by their partner. While most couples will have some hobbies and activities in common, there will usually be an unequal level of interest and skill that will always mark that activity as belonging to one person over the other. By undertaking a new pastime together, you have the opportunity to start on an equal footing while learning and growing together.

2. Do One Nice Thing Each Day

Busy people often leave stressful lives, making it nearly impossible to find the time and effort to sustain their relationships when they are just trying to get by. Nevertheless, any romantic relationship worth keeping is worth making a singular gesture each day that reinforces your feelings towards each other. When your moods are down, make a pact to do one nice thing for each other each day for a limited time, perhaps a week. You can buy a small gift, cook a meal, or offer a massage. It sounds easy, but after you have exhausted the easiest and most obvious ideas, you will find yourself struggling to grasp exactly what you can do to please your partner. Learning what those things are is the entire point of this exercise.

3. Generate One Compliment Each Day

Like doing a nice thing each day, offering up a unique compliment daily is easy at first, but becomes more challenging each day. Beyond making each other feel appreciated, the search for what makes your partner attractive and unique will generate fresh insights into your personalities.

4. Turn Off The Media

There is no escaping the influence of television, telephones, radio, texts, and the Internet. All of these necessary technologies infiltrate your relationship, distracting your attention from each other. You don’t have to wait for a power failure to pick a day and turn off all of your electronics. Spend that time together in the most meaningful way possible knowing that the world will get along just fine while you are disconnected.

5. Make New Friends Together

Some couples grow distant from their friends when they spend more time with each other, while others tend to spend their social time with the same couples repeatedly. If you need to inject some new life into your romantic relationship, try engaging in new social relationships. Ask out co-workers and their partners, or go take part in activities frequented by other couples.

6. Learn Something New

Personal growth is always important, but growing together can have the added advantage of strengthening the bonds of your relationship. To take advantage of this effect, try taking a class together, reading the same books, or simply attending an interesting lecture. These activities will require you to spend quality time together discussing and debating new ideas.

The key aspect that all of these tips have in common is that they force couples to break out of their routines. By thinking creatively about yourself, your partner, and your relationship, you can escape the pattern you are in and enjoy a fresh new perspective.

6 Ways To Reinvigorate Your Relationship is a post from: Lifed